Sunday, 4 January 2015


"The trees were dancing, melancholic,
the wind was directing their dances,
while at the shade of a bridge, a poet
was writing his death.

Poets have no time,
they eat the seconds,
they get lost in the eternity of absences,
hide in the crying of all eyes,
and die in every verse."

(Paco Alvarez, the poem - song by Santi Feliu. My poor translation.)

  welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together


thinking of life, of death. I just read that Deborah Bone, a friend of Jarvis Cocker who inspired Pulp's hit "Disco 2000" (which I highly enjoyed back in the days) died at 51. Last Feb a good friend of mine also died that age (singer songwriter Santiago Feliu) but other than that, life has been sort of kind to me, at least regarding my co-generational friends, all of them still alive -and some of them still kicking. But I hit 48 last November. Even if I live to 90 I'm now past my midlife point

In any case... my midlife sort-of-crisis is being solved in a change of profession. My current co-workers (more or less my age, 5 years more or less) have been cooking for at least 15 years... and though I love cooking, and the idea of becoming a Chef, I know my life never ceases to surprise me with so many turns I wonder if I'll be here in a couple of years, for much that I like my flat, its 10 minutes walk to both my job and chef school, 20 minutes to the city centre, a fab southfacing view to the other side of the Tyne, the Angel of the North in the horizon

welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together

Monday, 8 December 2014


all feels kind of weird. my life is turning not as planned but, yep, some old wishes are manifesting now: chef school, job in a kitchen. and though i'm postponing my return to the gym till early jan, i'm on track. well, i have to: i put on weight these months since august when i stop working at the bakery, jennifer decided a local guy in hand was a better choice, and all the emotional rollercoaster of "meeting" nicole, then losing her. lost in translation

4 years ago i met mili after many years, almost 20. it was magical. we are not exactly on the same political wavelength but meeting her was amazing. the 17 year old girl (i was 21 back then when we first met) was still very present in the 40 something woman i met in madrid. i left it all to stay with her in stockholm. and i returned to england just to renew my passport and sort out papers to move back to live there. being together but with enough room to breathe. she would remain living where she is. we would be meeting a lot, but not living together. which would have been, somehow, a good idea. i've never been such a passionate lover to anyone. and there are moments when i'm afraid if she calls me i'll leave it all again. i hope she won't. but then, back in newcastle, i came back to my country of adoption i thought i wasn't coming back. the time in spain and sweden changed me a lot. and being somehow forced to stay here -mostly because i was running on empty when, a couple of months after i left stockholm mili started dating some guy from the british embassy overthere and broke up with me- i had a couple of years not feeling at home at al. yet i met fab people. the indian postgrad students i shared houses with. mohamed at the homeless hostel. a bunch of spaniard migrant workers. rosinha. giadda. then anne-marie and her fiancé, anna, richard, dave, vanessa... and though i was thinking of moving to a quasi-rural life in a small town in north east portugal, and sometimes i still do, i'm kind of enjoying my new life here. and then i have new friends like roxana -who came with iulia, whom i met in spain back in 2008

and here's today. almost a week into my new job. a very cold NCL afternoon. listening some old beatles songs. smoking my last ciggies but can't be arsed to get outside for more. a cup of coffee. translating a friend's poem

and it's almost chanukah, almost xmas

welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together

Wednesday, 3 December 2014


feeling ambivalent re: love. on one side, i know i operate much better when inspired by a loving interaction. those gaps when i've been on my own have usually been dark moments in my life (though, to be honest, some relationships have also been very negative too). on the other side, not being currently involved in a deep, meaningful relationship is a sort of blessing: i don't have to share my life and its narratives to anyone (storytelling changes the past and relocates the aims and vision of the future; all interactions are life changing) or being open to a new person and her life, her baggage, philias and phobias, family, ideology, culture...

i'm still friends with people who knew me 20, 30 years ago. it was so easy back then!

and yet i miss N. our friendship disrupted when it was getting some sort of shape. i read our FB chats again. looking for keys. and it feels weird  reading us as if i was reading other people. is she real? a character of a play i went into, uninvited? last night i had a dream. i was in edinburgh. it was raining outside and i was drinking an obscure single malt (i only drink whisky in scotland) and st vincent was playing a beatles' song. and there she was. i didn't know if she was going to be upset or happy to see me so i finished my drink and went away. the rain

my new job as a cook is cool. chef school, fab -and we had a master class by a michelin starred chef!. i finally have the whole set for the script. i would only need to pass a pencil around its contour. and it won't be only a tv screenplay. i decided the whole enneagrammic thingie is still on, but the tv one will be a set of 3 half hour stories. the full nine chapters will be as a graphic novel

welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together


no repairs fixing corrections you name it
no need for any of that. Just lights and shadows
and a song St Vincent told us
that was said before

(and all I want is you)

and the rain.

Tuesday, 25 November 2014


celebrating my birthday twice. two different settings. with two of my friends of old i love the most -and their partners, whose friendship i value dearly.  i'm still under the spell of a heavy emotional wave, but some stuff are getting clearer. i have the feeling this was a life changing trip.

as it happens, i tend to lose weight if i'm in a wave of loving feelings. my life, in general, gets better. my flat is less of a mess, my thoughts, clearer. i can manifest my intentions much better. but i'm determined to change all that. i've been gaining weight since august and i'm very pissed off to the pile of clothing two and three sizes smaller i can't wear yet. but with my chef school and cooking job manifesting, and the gym just up the road, just a street before my job, i'll be organising my daily schedule from sunday 30 onward to include alternating cardio (mostly rowing) with swimming. i also have to deal with my addiction to bread... so i might start baking my own bread and thus have control over what's really in it

my main focus will be on chef school, learning cooking techniques etc, but i'm not neglecting my script. just by telling the first scene on my screenplay, Daniel said it was tarantinesque, which is actual (and intentionally) true. and yep, I hated Tarantino till Kill Bill, then I went back to watch him again and now Pulp Fiction is one of my fave films. Most of the characters are now profiled, and a couple of storylines... time to put them on hold for a while. I still thinking on a 3 part film for TV, but some leftover material will be used on a set of (literary) short stories.

welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together

Sunday, 16 November 2014


havana celebrates 495 years of its foundation mass, by a ceiba tree, in its current location by the bay. 21 years ago, following the custom, i walked around that tree, three times. a handful of coins. a wish

slightly nostalgic, i played a song by gema & pavelyo te quiero ver al amanecer mi Habana querida, yo te quiero ver mi Habana, intacta toda la vida...

these days have been really busy. but good busy. and a lot of lessons have been internalised. i feel a little bit empty, though, and somehow cynical about love

welcome to havana upon tyne 3.0, let's fly together